Resigned

365 is a lovely project. The concept of a 365 blog is blissful to my nostalgic soul. But the realities of the project are far different than the overly romanticized idea of it. A picture for every day. But I'm no photographer. A blog for every day. But not all days are enough to remember. A whole year recollected. But what if the process of recording is more costly than the recollecting is rewarding. That's the conclusion at which I've finally arrived. I love this project, and maybe at another time in my life it will be glorious. But right now, the strain of maintaining a daily, public blog and photography habit are simply costing me more than they will benefit. I am an obsessive person and this is the year I will be married. I'm not going to forget these days. I'll remember them brightly, reflect on them lovingly and often, pine for them wistfully after they've long since past. These aren't the days I need to try and remember, these are the days I need to try and live. And live fully.

So I'll blog, likely privately. And journal. And photograph. And perhaps I'll share these things with those dearest to me. But these are the days I will live.

Strain

The rush and bustle, the late nights and long projects. Today I'm worn and tired. I don't want to work anymore. But still I know I must. I'm glad I'm working for something, living for a purpose. Otherwise all of this strain would get too old for me manage pretty quickly. My life is good, I'm just human.

Shower for a shower

Got up early and faced a rainy day at work. But the hours went by quickly, not entirely without my effortfull counting, however. I tried to will each one by faster than the last, because this evening I knew I had a party to attend.

Our dear friends threw James and I our first (and possibly only) wedding shower today. It was friends sitting around a sharing food and laughter, taking part in each other's lives. We were blessed with tons of goodies that we love. I came home and ate a late night snack on one of our new plates =) I know we're supposed to save them for after the wedding, but they're so fun!

I feel so loved and blessed to have the amazing friends I do.

From Scratch

Tonight was date night. A couple days ago James and I decided that we'd spent much of tonight in the kitchen, working together to create a delicious masterpiece. It was his idea, really, as are many of the amazing things we end up doing together. We settled on making ravioli and chicken parmesan from scratch. We made the noodles, cut out the raviolis and filled them, prepared a homemade breading, pan-fried the chicken, and baked all of the deliciousness into a cheesy, marinara-y dish. We went to the store and bought all of the ingredients at about 3:30, arrived back at the townhouse at 4:30, and cooked until almost 8.

Together we filled the kitchen with warmth and laughter, dancing and playing and loving each other. We've not always made a great team, but now I feel we're a synchronized pair, working in tandem. The whole evening was magical. It's each carrying an armload of groceries out of the store, spending all afternoon working together, and then spending all evening sharing the fruits of our labor with one another...these things make my heart do a loop-the-loop. I want to do this forever, for the rest of my life.

Traverse

The light was on my side tonight as I made my usual Thursday trek to Athens. Since the time-change, sunset has been delayed just enough to allow me to get up to that removed college town with ample light. Sushi, laughter, discussions, growing together. It blows my mind to think that Jenny and I have known each other for nearly five years now. We were such different people then, both of us.

Driving home down the lonely late-night streets, thoughts of our years of friendship keep me distracted. The darkness seemed extra thick and rich tonight, like a pillowy fog through which my car carried me, not entirely untouched by it's inkiness. The stillness provided a comfortable backdrop for my solipsism, like a blank canvas of a dream. I'm so grateful for that girl. I hope our kids will play together and she and I can laugh while they cavort around like we have. 

Wrong Side

Today is one of those days where you feel you've woken up on the wrong side of the bed. It seems like things are going wrong all around you. I woke up feeling uncomfortable in my skin, walked around all day not totally with it, feeling like I could cry just for being awake. Of course I lost my pens, tripped while walking down the sidewalk, and spilled drinks on myself throughout the day. Because when you have days like this, it all kind of seems to come down on you. I did beat Dragon Age 2 today, though. Pretty exciting stuff. Ha!

Tired

Tired Tuesday. Glad it went by quickly. Back at work and in the swing of things. Split a milkshake with my love on the way home from work. Poor thing had to drive to timbucknowhere today for work. Still, he surprised me by picking me up from my job earlier than usual. I'm so blessed I have a man who loves me so well.

We are officially inside the two-months till the wedding mark. I'm exstatic! So much to do, so much I've done. Just two months and it'll all be over, all the planning, all the worry. And while I really have enjoyed this process, I so much look forward to just coming home to my husband and living our life together as man and wife. Finally. Oh yes I cannot wait!